Gary Bruce Kretchmer Obituary (1946 - 2020)

Gary was born October 31, 1946 in Kansas City, Missouri to Leon and Pearl Kretchmer. He graduated from Center High School in 1964 and received his undergraduate degree in the field of Science and M.S. degree in social work from UMKC. He was also a licensed counselor. After teaching junior high for a few years, Gary began his career at Johnson County Court Services, initially as a probation officer. Eventually, he became one of a small group of pioneers, guided by Judge Herbert Walton, that introduced family mediation to the Johnson County court system. The current program has grown into one of the most successful court-ordered mediation programs in the nation. As a peacemaker, a professional mediator, Gary filled a unique role in our community. Over a nearly 35+ year career, he quietly and confidentially helped tens of thousands of divorcing Johnson County families avoid destructive and expensive litigation by resolving their child custody disputes in his office and not in a courtroom. While his labors were often hidden from plain sight, there are so many families in Kansas City that are better off because of him. Strangely, most probably don’t know or understand what or even how he did it. He stood at a dangerous intersection and implored drivers to turn right and not left. Those that accepted his guidance, avoided the nasty pile up that divorce can be--particularly for children. Gary modeled for divorcing families a certain selflessness and decency that thankfully was highly contagious. Although many have tried to replicate his successes as a mediator, most know that this is simply not possible. He was that good. Gary’s achievements were not like talent bestowed upon him as a gift, as for example, athleticism. He didn’t do God’s work because he was uniquely equipped, or because he was summoned or commanded to do so. He did it because he knew it was the right thing to do. He was constant in his commitment of the pursuit of his chosen ideals. Gary trained mediators throughout the community, state, and nation. Gary served on the board of Johnson/Wyandotte County CASA, and provided training for the domestic/custody program. He was honored to be invited, in 1990 and 1991, to do a week-long training for social workers and lawyers at the University of Nüremburg, in Germany. Beyond being a professional peacemaker, Gary was quite simply a good man, a fiercely loyal friend and a godsend as a spouse, parent and grandparent. While most of us can muster a daily kind word or two, an occasional decent gesture, Gary did it for a lifetime; not occasionally, but continually. His life was an unparalleled achievement of decency and kindness. While we will all miss him, his life will continue to inspire and guide us. We love you, Gary, and we are forever grateful for how you chose to shape your life, and how in turn, your life shaped each of us. The world, and especially those that knew and loved you, will forever be enriched by the joy, love, and deliciously snarky good humor that you freely shared with all. Gary is survived by his wife of 35 years, Sheryl; his stepson, Christopher (Caroline); his brother Robert Kretchmer (Mariame); his granddaughters, Elizabeth and Emily; and his nieces, Lesley (Kelly) and Alyssa (Adam); and his grandnieces and nephew, Kendall, Brett and Anna. A private graveside service was held on January 3, 2021. A Celebration of Life memorial will be scheduled at a later date. Any donations in Gary’s memory should be made to Harvesters (https://www.harvesters.org/give-food) or the American Psoriasis Association (https://www.psoriasis.org/donate). This obituary was written with the help of Gary’s friend and mediator, Greg Kincaid.